I moved to Harlem this month. I was a WRECK.
For almost two years, I lived in Hell's Kitchen, the gayest neighborhood in NYC. Well, one of them. I had a studio apartment and lived by myself. My situation was almost perfect. Except that it cost an arm and a leg. To live where you want to live in NYC is a very expensive proposition.
So I decided that I would initiate the two-month-notice rider in my lease and cancel it. The responsible decision. So responsible, but so hard. About two weeks before I moved, it became real. I hired movers, started thinking about packing. The next week, I was a wreck. Two days before the move, I was on the verge of tears all day. What was I doing? Was this the right decision? Can I be happy somewhere else? Can I LIVE with someone else? Will I still be creative? What if I get inspired in the middle of the night? Worry consumed me.
Until literally, the moment I stepped into the new apartment with the movers in my wake. Suddenly, everything was okay. I was here. I was ready. I could start to set up. To unpack. Reimagine my life in someplace new, someplace different. Time for new experiences. Time to ride the subway again.
As an artist, it sucks, but we're always looking for new experiences. New perspectives. No matter what they are. Painful ones, hard ones, joyful ones, whatever can kick our brains into overdrive. And change is tough. It really killed me.
But the lesson here, I think, is that change isn't hard. Anticipation is hard. Unknowing is hard. But once you get there, your brain finds new paths, it finds a way. You accept it and start doing. it's in the doing that frees you from the worry. I remembered on the subway ride up to my new place that I felt the exact same way when I moved to Hell's Kitchen. Even though it was definitely where I wanted to live. How did I remember? I found a note that my next door neighbor left on my door when I moved in to my HK apartment. She left it for me with a bag of Amy's Bread. It said, "Hope this makes your move a little easier. Welcome to the neighborhood!" and the stress that I felt melted away. The worry died off.
So remember. Next time you make a big change, know that you'll be fine. We're resilient beings. And we'll make it if we try.